1.Birth plans don't always go as planned
Having a birth plan that doesn't go to plan can feel like a complete let down, particularly for your firstborn child. Please remember to be kind to yourself, child birth can be so unpredictable, and things can change in a matter of minutes. Sometimes it can feel scary, and like everyone knows what is going on except you. I recommend you go into your birth with three things that would enhance the experience for you and your partner/birthing partner. Aspects like pain management methods should be clear, and could be set in stages, being able to cut the cord, being able to use a mirror to see the baby as they come into the world can all be common requests, but be prepared that there can be emergency procedures, or other aspects that might be in the best interest of the mother and baby that prevent these requests being carried out. You should allow yourself no sense of guilt to come across you, if you have not ticked all these boxes, a healthy baby no matter how it has arrived is a miracle, and without these great expectations on how things will go, this can take an enormous pressure off you.
2. It is okay to ask for help or accept help
After the birth, you are likely to feel like you have been hit by a large transport vehicle. Everyone is going gaga over the baby, and the miracle that it is, that often others forget that you can't even go to the toilet, let alone make it to the shower for your compulsory wash, while your baby is micro managed by the "mum collective" around you. If anyone offers to help change the baby, or to get something for you, take them up on this. Some cultures rally around the mother post birth, allowing them compulsory rest and time to bond with their baby. After the birth is not the time to be a martyr, you will more than likely be exhausted, and it helps for people to understand the importance of looking after you, so you are equipped to help your new-born baby!
3. Your right to announce your birth at your own pace.
It is always worth a mention to excited friends and relatives that while you are wearing a maternity towel the size of a small surfboard, that you may not have got the time to place your announcement on Facebook, Instagram etc, so therefore, could people not post anything on social media, until at least the parents do so. Nothing like having people sharing the name of your child, before you have even announced the birth, or worse still starting a poll about whether they approve of your name choice!
4. Breastfeeding like any skill can take time...… but remember "Fed is best!"
Breastfeeding has key benefits for a new born baby, and the mother, and while you are recovering from a pretty big upheaval to your body physically, lacking in sleep, and feeling pretty grateful you took the midwife up on the tea, and toast after the birth (even if it was the last thing on your mind!) you may feel an overwhelming sense of pressure that you now have another precious being to keep alive. Most parents of new born babies will be encouraged to breastfeed from the onset, but be prepared, although this process may look so natural within all the baby magazines, this tiny new-born (with its tiny little fingers that you may look at awe at) is still getting to know you, and you them. It is like a new business partnership, they have to learn what to do, and you have to lead from the front! This will take a bit of time, and please keep in mind that the more rested, and relaxed, and supported you are, the more likely your milk may flow and produce (there are obviously exceptions!) Another thing to consider is just like other mammals, some woman produce milk more readily, and easily, and other woman not so well, this could be for a variety of reasons (and this is something to discuss with your midwife or health visitor or other health professional) , but ultimately remember your baby needs fed, and if you choose to bottle feed, your baby will still grow, and develop, and the most essential aspect is that your mental health is also okay, so you can truly appreciate this very special time together.
Here are some some great web links offering support for breastfeeding and or bottle feeding:
http://www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/
5. Set up your own boundaries regarding visitors post birth
Setting boundaries regarding visitors, (including that new born equivalent of pass the parcel "baby style" when people find out you have given birth), along with not absorbing unhelpful advice from older, "wiser "or more experienced parents is essential. First time parenting can be like a total whirlwind of emotions, and brain fog, and you can feel particularly vulnerable, and influenced by other people's opinions. It is so easy to beat yourself up emotionally, so the first sanity rule I can advise is for you to recognise that your baby is a unique individual which has had its own womb, and internal/external influences even before birth, no one can advise on your own child's temperament or sleep patterns as an expert, you, and your partner (where applicable) will be the experts on your own child, so stay strong, and stand your ground where necessary. You are the best mum/dad/mum's/dad's that your baby has, believe in you, you have got this!